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I Have Done A Lot of Things
By Ricky Garni
in my life, but I have never (on May 3, 2007) shot a nine foot four inch (from the tip of its snout to the base of its tail) uncastrated pig named Fred using a mounted holographic scope Smith & Wesson Model 500 with ported barrel and eight 350 grain Hornady cartridges at which point I rushed the carcass to a slaughterhouse in order that it might be rendered into approximately 500-700 pounds of sausage, and frankly, I resent the implication that I did. Look at me I am a 51-year-old male who enjoys watching The Andy Griffith Show and listening to Tony Bennett; to do something like that, I would have to be eleven years old, and my name would have to be Jameson, I would have to be from Georgia, and I would have to like guns, and I don’t like guns, and besides, I haven’t been eleven years for nigh on 40 years, and I like pigs, very much in fact, but not so much as to be considered unusual in that way.
Ricky Garni works as a graphic designer at a wine company, drawing pictures of wine bottles, kimonos, kangaroos, and many other things that are used by wine companies for various reasons. His latest publications can be found in decomP, Haggard & Halloo, The Delinquent, CRIT, Shampoo and Northville Review, as well as in print through the auspices of lulu.com. Mr. Garni’s poetry has been nominated four times for the Pushcart Prize.
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