Excerpts from The Adventures of Spaceman Ray and the Galaxy Rock, A Screenplay
INT. THE WATCH STATION – NIGHTSHIFT.
Raymond petting the cat in his lap.
RAYMOND (V.O.) Okay, so I’m thinking about getting back together with Deb. I dunno. She ain’t that bad. She’s malicious, but that’s part of what I love about her.
When we met, I was dating this alien—Zorita of the Faluzabah Sector. She was gorgeous, man, beautiful as a neutron star. But then Deb came along, and she was, like, human. And that’s a big bonus in my book. I mean, it had been a long time since I’d been with a, you know, a woman of my own species. And you know, I think she sensed that, but I—I—I (sighs) I don’t know.
On the TV screen, the star in S75RQ swells and turns green.
I remember the line that made me fall in love with her: I was telling her about how long Zorita and I had been together and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to break up with her. Besides, I told her, I’d been with aliens for so long, I was kinda used to ‘em. And so Deb says, she said, “Yeah, but what I lack in the tentacles and proboscis department, I more than make up for with teeth and boobs.” Oh man, she was so right. It had been a long time since I’d dated someone with a mouthful of teeth and a chest with two tits. Sexy. That was it for me. I fell in love right then and there. Broke Zorita’s heart, poor creature. But I suspect she got over it. We all get over most wounds, in the end. And you know, I think that, in the end, despite it all, everything works itself out somehow.
The star dies, goes out like a tiny light.
Blackout
*
INT. THE WATCH STATION – DAYSHIFT.
Raymond still sweating profusely, and waiting for the repairperson. The alarm pulses. Raymond looks at the monitor to see the repairwoman chatting with the mob outside. The door opens and she comes inside. The mob doesn’t even attempt to follow her. The airlock hisses and reseals itself. She takes off her spacesuit.
MONA Hi. You must be Raymond.
RAYMOND Yeah, that’s right. How’d you do that?
What?
RAYMOND Get past that armed mob outside. How’d you do that?
MONA Oh, that. I just chatted with them a bit, put on the ol’ charm, and then asked real sweetly if they would let me through. I told them I’m just doing my job, after all. They understood.
RAYMOND That was amazing.
MONA Well, I’m glad you thought so. So, Raymond, your air’s broken, huh?
RAYMOND Yeah. It’s been spewing hot air since late last night.
MONA Oh, yeah. I can feel it. It’s scorching in here. Lemme go up in the ceiling and have a look.
She gets up on the table, and removes a ceiling panel. Raymond is transfixed by her butt. He can’t look away. Soon she comes down holding a cat.
MONA I think this might be your problem right here. He was all tangled up in the wiring.
RAYMOND There he is.
MONA Ah, he’s so cute. I could just eat him right up. What’s his name?
RAYMOND Well, he doesn’t have a name yet. I just got him the other night…
MONA Well, it should be a name that’s important to you. Something you associate with good feelings.
RAYMOND What’s your name?
MONA Mona.
RAYMOND Then that’s what I’ll call him.
MONA But… Mona’s a girl’s name.
RAYMOND Well, yeah. I guess it is. It doesn’t have to be.
MONA Mona’s my name.
RAYMOND Okay, if you don’t like it—
MONA No, no. It’s a good name. Mona. Hi, Mona. Nice to meet you.
The cat meows.
RAYMOND I’m sorry.
MONA Why? What for?
RAYMOND It’s just—it’s been a long time since—you… you know… um. Hey.
MONA Hey.
RAYMOND Hi. Uh.
MONA Yes?
RAYMOND Uh, I can’t believe—I mean, do you, maybe—uh, what’re you doing? Tomorrow? Morning?
MONA What?
RAYMOND I—I’m sorry. I was just wondering… what you might be doing tomorrow during the day.
MONA Tomorrow? I’m working.
RAYMOND Oh. Yeah. Right.
Beat What about this weekend then?
MONA I dunno. I don’t have any plans.
RAYMOND Well, how about we, um, I dunno—uh… Christ, it’s been so long since I’ve been on a date with another human being. What is it we like to do?
MONA Look, just pick me up at eight on Saturday.
She hands him a business card.
Here’s my address. We’ll find something to do, I’m sure.
RAYMOND All right. Yeah. That sounds—that sounds great.
Beat
MONA It’s hot in here, isn’t it?
RAYMOND Yeah, it is. I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so.
MONA No, no, I mean the vent’s still blowing hot air. Hm. Lemme check the wall dial.
As she’s walking to the other end of the room, a nearby ceiling panel falls out to reveal Professor Nukem wrapped up in wires. Raymond jumps back.
NUKEM Ah! Hello, my son! How are you doing today? And such a pretty lady. A pleasure to meet you. That skin really suits you.
He takes her hand and kisses it.
Now then. Would you mind cutting me down?
RAYMOND What—I—you’re dead!
NUKEM Oh, no, no, that’s a common misconception. Happens all the time. I’m not dead. See? I’m perfectly alive.
RAYMOND What? I shot you. You were dead.
NUKEM Oh, no. That must certainly have been a clone.
RAYMOND A clone?
NUKEM Yes indeed. My clone, in fact. I have many. Many, many more.
RAYMOND How’d you get up there? Why are you here?
NUKEM Well, I came with People Against Planetary Annihilation, but I escaped, and they don’t know I’m here, so, if you wouldn’t mind, shhh. Don’t tell anyone.
RAYMOND You escaped? What do you mean you escaped?
NUKEM I escaped. I’ve been a prisoner of PAPA’s for, oh, well over a decade now. Back when their practices got a little too unethical for my tastes, I had to leave. That was years ago. But I found they didn’t want me to go, so I had to stay. Why, I was their top researcher—their top scientific mind—their best known and most loved and brightest public spokesperson. Of course, I refused to help them after I learned about all of their wacky experiments—conjoining humans and aliens, alien implants for humans, human implants for aliens, genocide, that sort of thing—so they cloned me. They cloned me the first time and trained my clone to act as they wanted him to. Then they cloned me again and again and again. And so forth. When you killed my last clone, there was such an uproar, I was able to sneak aboard a departing ship and come here, to you.
RAYMOND To me?
NUKEM Yes, to you.
MONA Why were you in the ducts?
NUKEM Ah, another good question. I was up there because I saw one of my dear cats run into the air conditioner—that’s him there—and I was wriggling slowly after him when I got stuck. I’ve been up there for I don’t know how long. But up there’s better than with PAPA, for sure. Now that I’ve answered your questions, before I answer anymore, would you mind cutting me down?
Raymond cuts him out and helps him down gently. But then Raymond backs up and keeps his gun trained on the newly freed Nukem. Mona, seeing that Raymond is still suspicious, has her gun pointed at the old man, too.
RAYMOND How’d you get into the building?
NUKEM The backdoor. It was wide open.
MONA What should we do, Raymond?
RAYMOND I dunno…
Beat
NUKEM Look, sonny, if you’re gonna point a gun at me, you might as well take mine—I got this off a guard a little while ago. Yours is completely empty.
RAYMOND Shit.
MONA You carry around an empty gun?
RAYMOND I forgot it was empty.
Raymond takes Nukem’s gun and holsters his own.
Why have you come here?
NUKEM I came for you.
RAYMOND You’ve already said that. What do you mean?
NUKEM I’ve come to help you.
RAYMOND What? Why?
NUKEM You have the galaxy rock. I’m here to help protect you. And it.
RAYMOND Well, it’s not mine. I—
NUKEM Of course it’s yours. It’s obviously chosen you if you still have it. No one’s been able to hold onto it for more than a few hours at the most since its creation—well over a hundred, maybe two hundred years ago.
RAYMOND How’d you know I have it?
NUKEM Word travels. Everyone, practically, who has an interest in such things knows you have it, and many are looking for it, so naturally, they’re looking for you.
RAYMOND Well, they can have it. It’s just a rock that’s caused me more trouble than—
NUKEM It’s not just a rock. It’s perhaps the most important creation in the history of human innovation.
RAYMOND What’s so special about it?
NUKEM Look closely at those stars and their planets. What do you see? That’s not just any star.
RAYMOND They’re… It’s… Oh my stars.
MONA What? What is it?
NUKEM One of those stars is ours. It’s the sun.
RAYMOND How is that—it’s not—I don’t believe it…
NUKEM Within this rock is the essence of our entire solar system. Someone—no one knows who anymore; a scientist, probably—managed to split our system into two halves. The physical, surface world, that we all know and see and sense, was detached from what is most commonly referred to as the spirit world. Encased within this rock—and quite well-protected, I might add—is the energy, the spirit, of our solar system. Preserved. Perfectly preserved. But preservation of spirit does not necessarily mean preservation of life.
RAYMOND What d’ you mean?
NUKEM Does that other star look at all familiar to you?
RAYMOND Sector S75RQ…
NUKEM Yes. Perfectly preserved in spirit, but as you can see on the monitor there, the star no longer actually exists.
RAYMOND This is too much.
Nukem laughs lightly.
I have to give it back. I don’t want this.
NUKEM You can’t.
RAYMOND Why not?
NUKEM Whoever you stole it from—
RAYMOND I didn’t steal it. It was given to me. I’ll just give it back.
NUKEM You can’t give it back. The person who gave it to you gave their life to pass it on.
RAYMOND No, he’s not dead. I’ve seen him. I saw him last night.
NUKEM Well, he can’t be in great shape. He’s somewhere lingering between alive and dead right now, for sure.
RAYMOND He didn’t really buy it, did he?
NUKEM Oh no. He probably stole it from someone who then died in the theft of it. He should have died when you stole it. That’s how it’s always been. But you say he gave it to you, which is most peculiar. That’s never happened before, at least not to my knowledge. Maybe that’s why the rock chose you. And maybe that’s why your friend might still be alive. Who knows?
RAYMOND Besides making its bearer a potential invalid, what other qualities make this rock so fucking special? Why’s everyone after it?
NUKEM It’s our solar system you’re holding. Can you comprehend the power people imagine they’d have if only they could somehow control the rock? But they can’t. No one can. Not even you. You must bear it. For now, though, we must go.
RAYMOND What? Why? We’re perfectly safe here.
MONA An old man got in, Raymond. I don’t think we’re so safe after all.
NUKEM Yes, listen to you girlfriend.
RAYMOND Um. We’re not—
MONA We just—
NUKEM Stop your babbling, you two. Get the cat and let’s go. We’ll have to go quietly.
RAYMOND You really want me to come with you? I’ll lose my job.
MONA There are more important things in life than your job, Ray.
RAYMOND Like what?
NUKEM Like saving your own life, for one. And the lives of countless others. Come on. We should go now.
Mona carries the cat. They take down the barricade and exit out the back.
*
INT. MONA’S SHIP – DAY/NIGHT.
RAYMOND What now?
NUKEM Nothing. Our last hope has failed.
MONA Can we get out in time?
NUKEM It was never much of a hope. I doubt we ever could have, even if we were already out of the solar system to begin with. We’re inextricably linked to the rock. And besides, we’ve put ourselves back even further behind schedule. The sun will be swallowed up in an hour or less. The poison will have reached the sun, the earth, possibly us, too, by that time. I’d say we have 30 minutes, 45 at the most. The edge of the solar system is over half a day’s journey away.
RAYMOND So if a huge blast occurs when the sun’s extinguished, or if the poison seeps in here, we’re screwed.
NUKEM We have to hope we’ll be all right, after all.
Pause
RAYMOND No, wait! There might still be one syringe left at the watch station. Jones tried to give me a double dose the other night when I lost my hand, and I slapped it away. I didn’t notice him picking it back up. It could still be there.
MONA What are we waiting for? Let’s go!
Nukem, Raymond, and Mona all jump up and run to the cockpit.
Jacob Sharbel is a creative writer for hire. He graduated from MTSU with a Bachelor of Art in English. He lives in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, near Nashville, and will probably be going back to school very, very soon. © 2008 prickofthespindle.com |
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